Losing someone you love.
It’s always easier to be ready for that lost rather than to face it all of a sudden. The pain will still be there, but we have the chance of slowly getting used to the idea of not having that someone in your life anymore and not *BAM!* it’s gone kinda feeling. So… … …
I dunno. Both consist of pain. But hopefully the gradual pain will be less torturing than the sudden pain.
Have you thought of how you are going to die? I mean it’s something that everyone has to go through. When there’s a start, there’ll be an end. My granny has been in and out of hospital recently and there were a couple of false alarms… It made me think how I wan and how I dun want it to be.
I can’t imagine facing death in its face. I think it’s horrible to know that the end is coming but not knowing when… It must be terrible to know somehow it’s going to happen, but not knowing when and how it’s gonna be like. You can anticipate. But you can’t predict.
Anticipating death… How scary is that?? I mean sometimes it’s not only death. You know that something bad is going to happen, just dunno when and how it’s gonna be like. I’m anticipating bad things to happen, but I do not know when it’s gonna come officially and how I’m gonna react to it. It’s a terrible feeling. I can’t imagine how my granny felt when she went through that period recently. I’m not facing death but I’m already so depressed. Bet it must a a thousand times worse for her. But than again, when we reach that age, we can’t expect more right? Just like when I’m at this stage, I can’t expect too much… Like what I say, when there’s alpha, there’ll be omega. Can only hope for the best and if the best does not come, there’s nothing much that I can do… I can only wait and wait …. and wait for time to tell…
Anticipation…. Well, sometimes a quick one may seems better than dragging on and on. Like gone in an accident, gone while sleeping (is the best i guess…), gone just like that. I do not want to lie on the bed and wait for angels to bring me home. Angels… If there really are any, hope it’ll be a tall, handsome, hunky one. That’ll make the journey home more bearable… haha.
DID YOU WACTH THE MOVIE "THE INVASION"? IN THE MOVIE, EARTH WAS BEING HIT BY AN ALIEN VIRUS. EVERYONE WHO HAS GOT THIS VIRUS WILL BECOME EMOTIONALLY STAGNANT. THEY WUN CRY, WUN FEEL, WUN SWEAT, WUN GET EXCITED, WUN FEEL SAD… EVERYONE IS JUST LIKE EVERYONE. EVERYONE IS FAMILY. EVERYONE WUN FIGHT EACH OTHER, WILL LOVE EACH OTHER, WUN HATE EACH OTHER. THEY WILL BE NO WAR, NO POVERTY, NO HATRED. EVERYBODY IS FAMILY.
NICOLE KIDMAN, WHOSE SON IS IMMUNE, KEEPS FIGHTING OFF THIS VIRUS. BUT IN MY POINT OF VIEW, THIS VIRUS MIGHT BE A GOOD THING TO HUMANS, TO EARTH. WITH FEELINGS, PPL SUFFERS TOO MUCH. IT’S GOOD IF YOU ARE FEELING LOVE, BUT IT’S BAD IF YOU ARE FEELING HATRED, DISAPPOINTMENT, SADNESS, HUNGER…
I WANT TO HAVE THAT VIRUS.
I hate it when I’m weak. Something terrible happened at work today. I got scolded for nothing. No,wait… it’s worse. I got scolded for something I did not do, but was accused of doing. And instead of fighting back, I broke down and cried at my workplace. I so wanted to go back and f*** her upside down, but I’m too pai sey to do it when I’m crying. Stupid right??
I was accused of giving smelly face when I din even know what had happened to make that someone so unhappy. She came in front of me, started complaining about work and I was just looking at her blankly when she said, "You think I want to ask you to do it?? If I can do it by myself, I would have done it! Ni bu yao gei wo nian se kan!!" and storm off after that… My reaction was as follow:
"WO GEI NI NAIN SE KAN!!!???" Than…. that’s it.
The teargates opened…. Unwillingly….
Kaoz!!! I could have storm back into her room an give her a good one!!! What, she stress I’m not stress?? I also have piles of work n my table and endless things to do. I’m doing her share of work too cos she claims that she doesn’t know how to. The worst thing is I did not even give any smelly face AT ALL!! I dun even know what smelly face she was toking about! But me, of all things, I had to cry at this moment. SO angry with myself. I’m so weak…. I seriously do not know how to quarrel. Have you ever heard of people crying even b4 they start to quarreI? Haiz, haven’t open mouth already lose liao. I might seem to be very fierce and loud, but when it comes to the real thing, emotions is usually the one to call the shots. I bring work home to do too. But seriously, I dun hv to let the whole world know that I’m working.
Anyway, she apologised later and explained why she said that. But to me, the hurt has been done. The respect that I have for this personis greatly discounted, if not gone. I mean come on, who on earth living in Singapore is not stress? Even the roadsweeper is also stress when the streets are so dirty and the drains are choked. But please have higher EQ. Dun go around losing temper on your colleagues. I spend more time at work talking to you than to my mother at home. I dun understand why people want to make life difficult for each other when they still have to face and work with that person everyday. Unless quit loh…
Ya, so unhappy, quit your job, find a rich man than you can enjoy life at home. hm…. that applys to me too doesn’t it…? =P
Why do people feel scared?
That’s because there’s this thing called "the unknown".
When we can’t predict what’s going to happen; when we dunno when it’s going to happen; when we dunno how things are going to be like after it happened…
Why be so stress over things that are unpredictable and might not even happen, you might ask.
Because… …
It’s the "unknown".
Do you feel that as we grow older each year, the time to laugh and the time to gather seems to get lesser? Do you remember the long conversations we used to have with our best friends? I remembered that my mum used to scold me for "cooking telephone porridge" or suaning me by saying the phone is going to melt and stick to my ear…. hehe… Those were the days. Even though we see our friends in school everyday, but we just can’t seem to finish talking or rather, gossiping… I used to send over a thousand sms per month, but now, i think i can’t even finish the 500 free sms! I was trying to recall when was the last time i "cook porridge", but i seriously can’t remember…. Haiz… it’s quite sad actually. Feel kinda lonely at times and wonder what i have done for the past 27 years of my life… How i wish i can go rewind and go back to where i used to be…. Found this poem and it really touches my heart…
Those childhood days
Oh those beautiful childhood days
I do miss them in many ways
Free periods in the school when we used to roam around
Cool games that we used to play in the ground
Small fights with friends that lasted for short duration of time
Interesting classes when we were taught the nursery rhyme
School lunch break when we used to share our food
Punishments in class when on the bench we stood
Tours in school that we were excited about
Free periods in class when we used to shout
Rushing out of the school to catch the school bus
When we used to reach home in a total mess
Little games in the evening when we all friends used to gather
Those beautiful days when we had nothing to bother
Now life has become hectic and has increased its pace
We have to rush and struggle hard to win the life’s race
Sometimes I wish would those golden days come back again?
When we were always happy sans any pain
Oh those beautiful childhood days
I do miss them in many ways
Went to the Super Import Nights 2007 - The Ultimate Motorshow recently.It promised to have "radically-tuned race machines, the latest in wild In-car Entertainment, the coolest custom components and non-stop partying madness.. …" Hey, I din say all that, I qouted it from their website. Ha ha ha!! If you’ve been there too, I guess you’ll have the same verdict as me. Nothing impressive. Well, maybe I dunno how to appreciate, but to these amature eyes of mine, it wasn’t very different from any of the other motorshows i went previously, if not worse… But one of the selling points that they have is that they have these "SUPER IMPORT MODELS!!"
Yeap. Those who have been to motorshows before will know what I mean. Besides appreciating and dreaming about the fast and furious cars, gawking at the models forms part of the package of visiting the motorshows. Somehow, nice cars can’t get away from beautiful girls. 100% gurrantee plus chop will have this super chio char bo standing, laying, sitting, posing, beside the Lambogini. At the same time, I dun think all the guys are really so interested in looking at the cars. I guess half of those who paid the $10 entrance fees can’t even afford the 4 rims, let alone knowing how a car works… They just arm themselves with a digital camera set to the highest resoultion, or those who claim are professional photographers bring their best zoom in lense, and start snappin once they see any nice models. Mind you, I said "nice". Not all models get the same attention of cos… The prettier ones will always have more guys asking to take photos with them, although the 2 models are starting beside the same damn car. What does this show…? "Damn the car. They can be standing beside a bicycle for all I care.. Chio can liao!!"
Ok, let’s go back to the super import models for this recent show that I went. Kaoz… As you know, expo halls can be quite chilly. I take my hats off these girls for parading around in their lingerie. Hey, no exaggerating here… Er… Let me show you a photo to proof it:
Get what I mean…?
Click on the picture to get a better view…
Ok… Now let me explain the title of this blog. "The Irony of Man" Why do i say that? Come on guys, you all love to see pretty women, especially those with devilish figures in as little clothing on their body as possible. But think of it in this way, what if the one in the picture is someone you love? Would you like to see your wife, girlfriend, sister, daughter standing in the middle of a crowd of wolves, taking photos of them, zooming into god knows which part of their body? (Look at the young lad on the left of the babe in white..) Take a closer look at the picture above. You see many many many men crowding around the three voluptuous ladies. The funny thing is I din know who or what was there until I saw a whole crowd of man following something. No joke! It was like bees to honey. Think next time when I teach my children group terms for animals I can teach them "a swarm of men", or rather, " a swarm of hum samp men"
Men like to see pretty women in all these sexy clothing, but the irony of it is that they will not allow someone they love to be seen in such clothings… Funny ar… I have a friend who does not even allow his wife to wear bikini… hehe.. No names mention. Well, maybe not all men. Some may be really proud to show off their sexy girlfriends in her lingerie. I dunno… But if I’m a man there are certain things that I will want to keep for my eyes only…
And to be in carshows, the models sometimes will have requests from guys to take pictures with them. Ya, pay money liao must get the best out of it. Nice ones will take decent photos. That is just stand there and smile la… But not all guys are so gentlemen. When I was there, I saw these two guys trying to eat tofu loh… Damn gross. Both of them are like having promotion you know? First, take decent shot, than put hand on shoulder, than put hand on waist and butt. Aiyo! Imagine that’s your daughter modelling there! See whether you’ll like to see such things happening to them or not!? We happen to take a shot of one the 2 hum samp men:
I removed the hum samp face in order to get my PG rating. hehe… No la, I just dun wanna get sued. But you can see clearly the "salty pig hand" which eventually climbed up the coporate ladder.. GROSS! And the worst thing is: they are not even close to handsome!! yucks!! Ugly men with ugly personality…
Well, all I’m trying to say is, while men like to see see look look at the chio mei meis, they wun want their love ones to be part of them… Ironical isn’t it? So I’ve come to this conclusion that seeing and keeping are two different things. And yes, men are selfish… ke ke ke..! ;P
PS: Guess who was the one who wanted to go to the motorshow? SMS 72346 the right answer and you might get to win an 8R photo of the shots below!!
More eye candy for those who missed the action. Click to get a better view…
Er… Hello…, hello… Mike test… mike test 1 2 3…
Ya, ahem…
Hi ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning in again to Karen’s Blog. Yeap, have been MIA for quite some time. Seems like I’ve lost some of my wisdom since my last blog, so dunno how to write anymore. Those who read it will know what i mean. =D
Friends have been asking me too, "ai, why so long never write liao?" Er… No insipration loh. My life had been quite stagnant for the past 2 months. Nothing really fantastic or interesting, but than again, thank God nothing catastrophic happened. So no news is actually good news! But I’ve been trying hard to bring on some major changes to my life, (hey… at least I tried…)but… hm… let’s not talk about it anymore…
So ya.. Life has been life, and work has been work. There’s gonna be some changes in work, as I understand from my boss, for next year. Em… Not really looking forward to it. (Underlying meaning: DREAD…) Will share more when everything has been confirmed.
Feeling a bit down today. =( Nah… PMS is at work i guess… So, that’s about all I can do for today. Will try harder to make things more interesting next time ok? Stay tune and watch this space for further development!! *winks*
He he… This post will be about my experience at the dentist to extract my wisdom tooth. Viewer’s discretion is adviced. Dun say I never warn you ar… If you dun like to read about gross stuff, close this window NOW!! (Yes Dennis, that’s you…)
Well, let’s start by talking abit about my wisdom tooth. As the title of this post suggest, I’m indeed very very very very wise… Yes, 4 verys. Why? Cos I’ve got all four wisdom tooth. (So it should be teeth and not tooth anymore…) They have been with me for a long long time. The ones on my left side are perfectly fine, not giving me any major problems. But the lower wisdom tooth on my right is the problematic one. It will act up once in a while and cause me a lot of pain. Went to the dentist, i think 5 yrs ago and he already told me to get rid of it. But because my dear tooth is too shy to see the world, half of it is embedded within my gum. So, in order to get it out, I’ll have to 1) cut the gum (cos it’s in the way) , 2) saw the teeth into 4 little pieces (cos the bloody tooth is way too big to be extracted at one go), 3) extract it one by one, 4) stitch back the wound (nope, you can’t choose the colour of the thread). And that’s not all!!! You’ll still have to go back to the dentist a week later to take out the stitches… Well, that was how my "dear" dentist described the procedure to me 5 years ago… Do you think I’ll be crazy enough to go back?!
So, I endured with all the pain and ulcers (due to the biting between my upper and lower wisdom tooth) for the past 5 years. I never, ever, have the courage to go back to the dentist again… Well, at least not to that same dentist. You see, I had really bad experieces with dentist when I was young. Do you remember we used to go to this school dentist (although now I think she’s only a bloody nurse..) when we were in primary school? The one in my school was really nasty. I can still remember her face. An indian lady who never smile, and scolds you when you did not open your mouth wide enough or shifts away from the blazing light. (Add that with a smack on your shoulder if you did not follow her bidding)
Anyway, the utimate event was when I had to extract one of my tooth. After all the crit crat sound, the tooth was out and I had to bite on the gauze. I was sitting at a corner, biting on the gauze, but there was so much blood and salivia that I couldn’t swallow it anymore. So….. I threw up there and then. Yeap. Brrururgghh…. Everything came out, including the gauze, blood, salivia and all… And guess what…. ….? Yeap again. I got scolded. So now you know why I hate going to the dentist. In Chinese it’s called "tong nien ying yin". (hey, I wasn’t only in pri 2 or 3…)
I always have a lot of stress when I have to go visit a dentist, so going to one is not a preventive measure for me, but more of a bo pian die die have to go siutation. So you can imagine the pain the stupid tooth must have caused for me to make such a big sacrifice. When the pain reoccured this time, I told myself, ok… no more hiding. Go settle it once and for all, pain for awhile and I’ll never have to suffer anymore.
So I started looking for a suitable dentist that is under the cpf medisave scheme. It allows me to claim the cost of the sugery. Friends, if you intend to go for the same surgery, pls be aware that not all dentist are willing to file 100% of the fees. (Hey, no joke lei… Extract one tooth costed me $700 plus.) Anyway, found this dentist at vivocity with a very beautiful name. "Dental on the Bay" Ever walked past that clinic before when I went shopping and it looked high class and decent enough. Most importantly, it will help me claim all my fees through medisave. So I actually do not have a pay a single cent from my pocket! And when I called to enquire about the surgery, the nurse is really polite and patient to answer all my questions. So, I set an appointment with her and waited patiently for my doomsday to come.
26 Aug. That’s the big day. I got more and more jittery as the day approaches and I mentioned more than one time to Anthony that my tooth is not pain anymore and I tried to get away from it. But now, thks to my persistant boyfriend who kept nagging me to go, (em… actually he did not give me any chances to have second thoughts..haha!) I finally went for the surgery.
Anthony brought me for a good meal before heading to the clinic. That was suppose to be my last meal… sad. Though the food was good and the ambience was nice (got seaview table), my heart was pounding inside. As my 2 pm appointment time approaches, my hands got colder and colder. And when the time came for Anthony to leave the clinic, I had to face it all alone. . . (sing now: All by myself… Dun wanna be… ALL BY MYSELF…)
I was practically shivering on the dentist chair and he noticed it too. Ahem, btw, the dentist was young and i think quite cute, cos din really have the heart to bio him that day, but should be not bad. He was very gentle, sensitive and attentive to my needs. He gave me an ipod with all the soothing songs to listen to, an attempt to calm my nerves. (er… though can’t really hear the songs with all the drilling and cracking sound) I dropped the ipod due to my clumsiness but he reassured me that it’s ok, and he and his nurses will take care of everything.
Best of all, the surgery wasn’t as scary or painful as I imagined it to be. I did feel some pain, but none that I can’t take. It’s more of the pressure he applied when taking out the tooth that was scary. He really plyed into my mouth and the nurse had to hold my jaw to keep it in place. Most importantly, I did not taste any blood during the whole procedure, something which I really feared after what happened previously. (If not I’ll puke again…) Here’s a picture of victory after the surgery:
Quite cool huh?? He he… Not bad lei… Can still smile for the camera. That’s becos my mouth’s still numb from the anesthetic. Couldn’t really feel anything then. But the pain started to come when I reached home.
I was given 5 days MC (but I only took 4… haiz… sad) and my mouth looked like it was holding a big fishball on the right side the next day. Oh ya, I forgot to mention that i was bleeding all the way till 2 plus in the morning and I was sleeping in a sitting position cos i’m so worried that I might get choked by the gauze in my mouth if I lay down and slp. haha…. dumbass. But in the end, I threw away the final gauze and decided to go to bed, laying down cos I couldn’t take it anymore. Was so damn tired from everything. It can bleed all it wants but I jus wanna slp! When I woke up the next morning, it had finally stopped!!
Now I’m still recovering from my ordeal. Still have some swelling and couldn’t open my mouth wide. Have been surviving on soft diet for the past 5 days. Can’t wait to eat KFC now. Have to go back to work tmr, sianz… but I still have to refrain from talking too much. Guess the happiest people now are my children in school whom I’ll be seeing soon.
Kids: YAY!!! Ms Chia can’t scold us anymore!!!
But hey kids, it’s temporary….
And after writing for so long, I would like to say a big THANK YOU to my dear Anthony for taking care of me when I was in pain. You have never been so sweet ever. HE HE……
I started teaching in 1999. July 1999 to be precise. So that makes me a teacher for 8 donkey years. Taught mostly local kids, with some ang mo, japanese, korean, arabian kids in between… I’m a senior teacher now, but there’s nothing great about it. My first batch of K2 children are already in secondary school. Now you know why i’m a SENIOR teacher? Ya, more or less it has got something to do with age… *sad*
I started out with lots of passion. Really love my job. I still do, but not as much as I did 8 years ago… Not when I have to deal with really difficult children. Throughout the years, I find that kids are gettin harder and harder to handle. Does the problem lie with me? I dunno… Just find that I’m not as good as before. I’m tired. Really tired…
I enjoy my time being with those really little ones. I dun mind washing backside and singing to myself… (those in this line will know what i mean…) But not when I have to deal with my K2 class. I call them my bloodsuckers. They drain all my energy.
Maybe I should change my job… Maybe I should go sell drinks at a kopitiam. No need to prepare lessons, no need to worry about parent’s unreasonable demands, no need to stress when the not so bright children are not learning, no need to be angry when the children purposely eat sweets in the class when you clearly told them not to do so, no need to worry when the parents are not willing to pick up thier sick children, no need to clean up the children’s vomit, no need to deal with a fickle minded boss, and no need to etc, etc, etc…
In all, I am simply tired of being a teacher. Does anyone have a good kopitiam to lease?